From School to the Workplace: The Masking Journey
For autistic girls, masking starts young. While little Johnny might be having his dinosaur-loving, hand-flapping moment (and bless him for it), autistic girls quickly learn to fit in and be 'well-behaved.' We end up scripting conversations, mimicking facial expressions, and using every last brain cell to figure out what's 'normal.'
Here's where it gets specific: When boys withdraw or struggle socially, they're often flagged for evaluation or intervention—people worry that something may be 'wrong.' But when autistic girls show signs of social or emotional struggles, they're often brushed off or even chastised as 'aloof,' 'difficult,' or 'weird.' Girls are taught early to mask their needs, internalizing a mental load that only grows heavier with time. By the time we're in the workplace, masking has become second nature. It's an invisible labor we carry quietly—even though it's exhausting.
So, it doesn't stop with school—nope, we're out here in workplaces, still camouflaging, still blending in. Only now, it's managing data, team morale, and client expectations on top of everything else. If we slip up, someone is always ready with a 'helpful' tip about professionalism (cue the eye-roll).
The Extra Load We Didn't Sign Up For
In professional culture, women—especially high-masking autistic women—are often expected to carry a unique type of invisible labor. We're not just supposed to hit performance targets; we're the unofficial office therapists, morale boosters, and fixers. We're picking up the slack, keeping things calm, handling emotional outbursts that aren't even ours. And because we're so good at making it look effortless, no one realizes the weight we're carrying. Spoiler alert: we're tired. Like, "just fought a bear and still had to do the dishes" tired.
As neurodivergent women, we're often tuned in to things others miss—hyperfocus, sharp pattern recognition, and a near-superpower ability to see issues before they even start. We're catching subtle shifts in team dynamics, spotting potential problems, and juggling a million details at once. Ironically, these strengths go unacknowledged or taken for granted, especially when we're high-masking and making it look easy, and especially as women. When we speak up about the weight of these extra tasks, we're often met with dismissal or disbelief—so we keep quiet and carry on.
To the 13% of my male audience: If this hits a nerve, pause and reflect.
•Have you ever had to repeatedly justify your role, breaking it down piece by piece, as if your value wasn’t already clear?
•Have you had to do this over and over, like clockwork?
For many high-masking women, this is the norm. Much of what we do—managing emotions, smoothing team or family dynamics, handling ten details behind every “simple” task—is invisible. It’s real work, but undervalued and misunderstood. Yet, the moment something goes wrong—like ordering peanut brownies for Joe, who’s allergic—you know exactly who gets blamed. After all, someone should’ve remembered Joe’s allergy, right? Guess who does.
Have you ever remembered a co-worker’s birthday and organized a group card, cake, or celebration? What about planning a baby shower, wedding gift, or funeral support at work? Were you thanked?
I’ll let you meditate on that for a moment. (Hint: No one’s thanking us either—and it wasn’t what we were hired to do. But remember the peanut allergy.)
So, What's the Impact on Women in Business and Life?
For neurodivergent women in business—whether you're a founder, executive, or rising professional—this conditioning shapes how we approach our work. We build roles and responsibilities around our ability to do it all. Every decision, every relationship, every detail becomes our domain. And that's before we even get to our lives outside of work—where we're often primary caregivers for children, aging parents, or both. We're managing households, maintaining relationships, scheduling medical appointments, remembering every birthday, anniversary, and school event. The mental load is staggering.
When we try to carry it all—the business achievements, the family responsibilities, the community obligations—burnout isn't just likely, it's inevitable. Neurodivergent women in professional roles face unique fatigue because we're constantly toggling between multiple demanding roles: leader, caregiver, partner, friend, and coordinator of seemingly everything. The pressure to excel in each arena while making it look effortless takes its toll.
How to Lighten the Load (Without Dropping the Whole Ball of Yarn)
Recognize the Invisible Labor
Start by acknowledging the unseen tasks that keep things running—managing morale, handling behind-the-scenes details, or supporting everyone's well-being. If you're leading a team, make sure they see the value in these "invisible" contributions, too. Real talk? This is the work that keeps everything afloat, and it deserves credit.
Example: Shout out a team member who smooths over conflicts or handles the "small stuff" that keeps things running. Let everyone know this work matters.
Redefine Success Beyond "Doing It All"
Success isn't about being the only one who holds it all together; it's about building something that thrives, even when you're not in every single detail. Setting boundaries doesn't make you any less of a badass—it lets you and your team focus on what you each do best.
Example: Set a "no meeting" block on your calendar and encourage your team to do the same. Boundaries make everyone more effective.
Build Systems That Don't Depend Solely on You
Create systems that let you step back and breathe. Delegating isn't "losing control"; it's empowering your team to step up so you're not left juggling everything. When everyone has a share in the load, you create a business that's strong enough to stand on its own.
Example: Use shared checklists for recurring tasks, so the team can handle essentials without you jumping in every time.
Unmask and Embrace Authentic Leadership
Imagine showing up as you, no filter needed. Leading authentically isn't just easier; it creates a culture where everyone can bring their full selves to work. When you lead with realness, you give your team permission to do the same. Now that's the kind of business that thrives.
Example: Share a real challenge you faced. Showing up authentically gives your team permission to do the same.
To My Fellow High-Masking, Neurodivergent BADASSES in Business
Listen up—you're already out here crushing it. You're carrying a load that most people wouldn't even begin to understand—balancing your role, managing everyone else's emotions, and tackling a whole bunch of unspoken expectations. But here's the hard truth: we don't have to keep carrying it all alone. Recognizing that we have this tendency to take on invisible labor means it's on us to stop feeding the beast. That means holding ourselves accountable and saying, "Nope, I'm not doing it all and making it look easy for you." We have to ask for help, set boundaries, and build our businesses without burning out.
Building a sustainable career and life isn't about being the hero who handles everything. It's about creating teams that have our backs and systems that don't fall apart the second we're not holding them up. It's building with intention—doing what matters most, delegating the rest, and empowering those around us.
So, if you're in the trenches, know that your effort is seen—even when it feels invisible. And if people aren't giving you the credit you deserve? Start giving it to yourself, loudly. Stop making it look easy. Let's lead like the badasses we are—not by breaking our backs, but by building businesses that actually support us and help us thrive.
Ready to Create a Life and Business That Actually Works for You?
Yep, you've reached the point in this blog where I reveal that I'm not writing this solely for self-expression—shocker, I know! What can I say? As an AuDHD woman myself, I've lived this journey, and now I'm a business coach who truly gets it. If this resonated with you—whether you're juggling a career with family life, building your own business while managing a household, or anywhere in between—let's connect. I help neurodivergent women (whether you're autistic, ADHD, or simply suspect you might be wired differently) create success on their own terms. Together, we'll build something that works with your unique brain, not against it.
So what are you waiting for, badass? Follow my social media pages and DM me to network, or submit an inquiry so we can start building your dream career—sustainably. I can't wait to meet you. ❤️
References
Masking and Camouflaging in Autistic Women
Hull, L., Petrides, K. V., Allison, C., Smith, P., Baron-Cohen, S., Lai, M.-C., & Mandy, W. P. L. (2017). "'Putting on My Best Normal': Social Camouflaging in Adults with Autism Spectrum Conditions." Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 47(8), 2519-2534.
- This study explores social camouflaging and masking, especially prevalent in autistic women. It links these behaviors to increased mental health strain and exhaustion, illustrating the burdens carried by high-masking women in professional settings.
The Female Autism Phenotype and Workplace Challenges
Milner, V., McIntosh, H., Colvert, E., & Happé, F. (2019). "A Qualitative Exploration of the Female Experience of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)." Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 49(6), 2389-2402.
- This study highlights the unique presentation of autism in women, including masking behaviors and how these influence workplace dynamics. It discusses how the internalized pressure to blend in creates a specific mental load for autistic women.
Gender Differences in Camouflaging and Burnout
Lai, M.-C., & Szatmari, P. (2020). "Sex and Gender Impacts on the Behavioural Presentation and Recognition of Autism." Current Opinion in Psychiatry, 33(2), 117-123.
- This research reviews gender differences in autism presentations and the ways in which camouflaging impacts autistic women's mental health, especially within structured environments like the workplace.
Invisible Labor and Mental Load in High-Masking Women
Cage, E., & Troxell-Whitman, Z. (2019). "Understanding the Reasons, Contexts and Costs of Camouflaging for Autistic Adults." Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 49(5), 1899-1911.
- This study explores the mental and emotional costs of camouflaging, highlighting the invisible labor associated with masking and the particular challenges faced by autistic women in managing these demands.
Compensatory Strategies in Autism: Invisible Mental Load
Livingston, L. A., Shah, P., & Happé, F. (2019). "Compensatory Strategies Below the Surface in Autism: A Qualitative Study of Autistic Adults' Experiences." Autism, 23(4), 949-963.
- This paper discusses the "below-the-surface" compensatory strategies that many high-masking autistic adults use in daily life, including at work. It highlights how these strategies add to the invisible labor that high-masking individuals experience.
Autism and Masking
Casale, P. & Dr. Neff, M. (Hosts). (2024). What is Autism? [4 part series]. In Divergent Conversations.
- This podcast series explores autism, including the unique experiences of high-masking autistic individuals. Casale & Neff discuss how neurodivergent individuals, particularly high-masking women, navigate the pressures of societal expectations and the professional challenges of masking.
